A non-gamers attempt at Sea of Thieves
2019/06/10 (810 words)

A long weekend just recently passed in NSW Australia. With a larger than normal amount of time on my hands I decided to try out the game Sea of Thieves. Ignoring the fact that the NBN rollout here has ruined my ADSL2+ which has gone from a 18-19 Mbps connection to 3 Mbps and that it took 24 hours to download, what follows is probably one of the more memorable gaming experiences I have ever had.


Started by reading the “Pirate Code” in the tavern you spawn in which includes the prophetic line “Disputes are settled at sea”. After learning how to load up my ship with wood, food and cannonballs I manage to get a find buried treasure quest, and set sail. After fighting the controls for a while and being gob-smacked at how beautiful the ocean effects areI eventually found the deserted isle that contained my hidden gold.

I love how little hand holding the game has. Want to find the treasure? Here’s what the island looks like, find it yourself on the charting table and plot your own course to get there. When there work out where the treasure is actually buried based on the X in the map. No pointers, no “DIG HERE!” icons. You feel like you actually achieved something.

Sailing up to the island I almost crashed into it. It was more luck than anything else that I dropped the anchor which brought my ship to a cleat and wood creaking stop just short of some nasty rocks. Jump out, and marvel at the pristine beach full of snakes which promptly poisoned me. Of course my treasure island also happens to be enormous and it took me a good 15 minutes to work out how to get where the treasure was actually located.

So after eventually working out where to dig and then figuring out how to actually dig it up I had my chest shouldered. Running back to the ship while pausing to dispatch some pesky skeletons that apparently were the guardians of the chest, I make it back to the ship. I then promptly sailed back whence I came to pick up my reward. Park my ship next to another one using a slightly different pontoon, because hey “disputes are settled at sea” after all and I am just here to unload my goods.

I shoulder the chest, march to the disreputable looking buyer and just as I am about get my hands on some well earned doubloons, fade to black screen as I get shot in the back.

Turns out that the code “Disputes are settled at sea” was apparently more of a guideline than a rule.

The death ferryman ship is spooky as hell and I am not sure what to do. I talk to the captain for a while then figure out I need to enter a portal. The game promptly spawns me back on the island where ShootYaInTheBack shot me in the back. My guess at this point is he would head over to my fully provisioned ship and check it out for more loot, which I did have as I had hidden some in the crows nest, with an obvious target of a silver goblet in the hold.

Mercifully I had swapped out the pistol for a sniper rifle when looking through the ships armory. So, I perched on top of a rock well above my ship and camped out. True to my guess, DoesNotFollowTheCode jumps on board and starts ransacking my ship. After a while he emerges on the (poop?) deck and starts raising the anchor having decided to steal my ship. Presumably on the off chance I decide to enact revenge.

Oh hell no! Not on my watch.

I am not a good sniper in any game. When I played CS it was the weapon I was worst at. As such my first 2 shots missed. However just as he unfurled the sail my next shot’s aim was true and BAM! Mr StealShips is dead. However my ship is now slowly sailing away by itself. I hurl myself down into the water screaming “Not on my watch bitch!”. However the ship is moving faster than I can swim.

With evil delight I swam over to MrSoonToBeShipless’s ship, raise the anchor, and sail off after mine. He apparently had set mine on a circular course, so I was able to intercept, set MrSoonToBeShipless’s ship to aim at some rocks, jump across and sail off with my original ship. I watch through the telescope as MrSoonToBeShipless’s ship I stole flounders on a shoal, then crashes on some rocks and starts taking on water and sinking. Thinking yes, there is justice, while muttering to nobody “Take that sucker!”.

I then promptly sailed into some black sea that held the Kracken and was promptly eaten and sunk.

Good times.

sea of thieves